Advising
by Evildevilangel
Summary: NOW COMPLETE! James doesn't know how to woo Lily, but he's got the best of advisers. REMUS! This is going to be a holiday to remember... JP/LE SB/RL
1. Advice

No copyright lawsuits intended. This should take three or four bits, so stay tuned and let me know if you want to see more of this (otherwise I shall go back into the closet and commence with the bad poetry writing). Basically, REVIEW.

* * *

"What am I going to do, Moony?" One obviously distraught James Potter flopped onto his friend's bed, oblivious to the sickening pop of a werewolf knee when the boy crashed onto it.

"What are you going to do about what?" asked Remus as he calmly put a bookmark in _Hogwarts, A History_.

"LILY!" Remus nodded sagely. It was always about the redhead. "How am I going to woo her?"

The werewolf smiled slightly. He was very proud of having introduced the word "woo" into the older boy's vocabulary, proclaiming that it sounded much more agreeable than "shag", "get", or worst of all, "marry". Plus, it allowed Sirius the pleasure of roaming about going "_woooooo, _Mooooo" like a strange cow during his and James' therapy sessions. "Well, why don't you try to find out what she likes? Like that time that Sirius found out all my favorite Honeyduke's flavors and gave them to me at Christmas." Remus' smile widened just a bit.

"But all he had to do was sneak into your trunk when you were in the library!" cried the black-haired boy. "I can't even get into her room!"

"You could try _asking_ around," he advised.

"Who? All her friends hate me." James buried his face in Remus' quilt. "Plus, Pads getting you a Christmas present is completely different than me and Lily and _Valentine's Day_. It's special. Plus, he didn't have _wooing _to do!" Remus glanced at Sirius, eyes twinkling.

"I'm sure you'll find something, Prongs," Sirius said, clapping James firmly on the shoulder, officially putting an end to this week's session. James nodded grimly and left the room, no doubt to stare morosely into the Common Room fire.

Remus picked his book back up. "I don't know why he still comes to me," he said to no one in particular.

"You give good advice." Sirius grinned. "After all, _you_ were wooed by the best."

The sandy haired boy chuckled. "Not that he knows anything about that. And it's not like my advice has gotten him anywhere." He didn't mention that he was thinking more about how _everyone_ came to him with questions. Peter wanted to know what to wear and who to talk to, James wanted to know how to win Lily, Sirius wanted to know if he wanted anything from the kitchens and what the answers to the charms homework were. Well, all of them wanted to know the answers to the charms homework.

"He'll get there someday," Sirius declared confidently, "assuming he actually follows your advice to the letter for once."


	2. Plans

COMPLETELY NEW CHAPTER. Might not be a bad idea to reread the whole thing. Chapters will be coming up in short order.

* * *

For two days, all was quiet on the James front. Okay, there was nothing _quiet_ about it. There was plenty of moaning and groaning and beating up Snape, but there were no more plots about Lily and Valentine's Day.

On the third day, chaos broke loose.

At first it was simply a sneaking suspicion Remus had. James had been actually quiet morning. A terrifying, no-speaking kind of quiet where his eyes actually _moved about the room_ even when in the presence of Sirius _and _Lily.

And then there was that affair with Kingsley after breakfast where James had _politely_ asked for a word with the hulking man about "quidditch stuff". The strangest part was that, as Remus watched them through the Great Hall doors, Kingsley kept shifting and looking over his shoulder. James finally handed him a small bag and he settled, whispered something in James' ear and left.

"What are the odds James would choose Kingsley if he wanted to do something very very illegal in the quidditch match next week?" Remus asked Sirius in the most casual manner possible.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Zero? Those things below zero? _I'm _on the quidditch team, remember? Dashing, mischievous and otherwise brilliant me? Anything illegal would be done by me and James-"

"-James and me-"

"And we'd be sure not to tell you about it until after," he grinned and continued shoveling egg in his mouth. He sighed as Moony continued to stare after his friend in the lobby. "I'm sure it's nothing. James wouldn't jeopardize the team. Now _please_ eat your breakfast."

It was at _please_ that Remus knew something would happen, if it hadn't already. Something big and bad and probably worth lots of house points. Sirius only ever said please if Remus had a reason to be worried, even if neither of them knew quite why yet.


	3. Worry

See what I meant? Chapters will keep coming and it should be done this week. And of course now that I've said that it'll take longer...

* * *

That night, they knew why.

At exactly 10:00 pm Remus convened a secret meeting of the Moony and Padfoot Society. Peter had declined his invitation, as he always did, in favor of a kitchen run and James was in detention again. "So," said Remus, sitting cross-legged on his bed across from Sirius, "the topic of today's meeting is to determine the cause behind the actions of one James Potter."

"And see if we can get him to quit it before we lose any hope of the House Cup!" Sirius, ever the practical one, covered his eyes in despair.

"Yes, that too. Now by my reckoning today's… infractions… are: Kingsley breaking into Hogsmeade to fetch a box the contents and location of which James will not tell us-"

"-that's in the Room of Requirement, by the way," Sirius added helpfully.

"Why didn't you tell me that? We could know what was in it!"

"It was surrounded by a _ring of fire_ and two of the suits of armor _and_ it smelled funny!"

"But-"

"It could be _dangerous_." Sirius waggled his eyebrows.

"Twat."

"You love me"

Remus sighed. "_And_ Frank beat up _two_ Hufflepuffs our year who aren't even on the quidditch team, although they're not anywhere near as badly off as James scared the Ravenclaw sixth year-"

"He's a twit."

"Twit or not, he has landed James in a month's worth of detention and the only reason Frank isn't in twelve worlds of trouble is because Edward and Allen won't say who hit them."

"Good. But I thought the reason you said we had to have a meeting was because of James _not letting me beat up Snivellus_."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I believed the phrase used was 'aberrant behavior'."

"And then you had to tell me what it means. And it means things-like-Snape-with-no-bruises."

"Regardless, I have no doubt all of these things are related. You think like James-"

"I do not!" yelped Sirius.

Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Please _try_ to think like James and tell me what is going on."

The other boy screwed up his eyes and began to rock back and forth. "James… James… James… I am James… James…" He opened his eyes, sat up straight and said. "James here. I'm currently a twat incapable of thought, please contact me after the death or marriage of Lily Evans." He shrugged as Remus swatted his ear. "I've got nothing."

"Maybe he replaced us. Maybe he doesn't want to be a Maurader anymore!" Remus shivered.

Sirius got off the bed and opened James' trunk. "Cloak, map, candy," he declared as he lifted the items. "If James was breaking up with us, he would _never_ have left these behind."

"He would still live here," Remus pointed out.

The black-haired boy shook his head. "Nope. He would store them somewhere else."

"Maybe he found out about us." It was a quiet, whispered suggestion.

"No," said Sirius firmly as he walked over and took the other boy in his arms. "Just no. First off, there would've been screaming or awkward instead of this weirdness and two, James isn't that much of a tosser."

"You sure?"

Sirius stroked Remus' hair. "Moony, I promise. This is some weird James-thing, not an us-thing."

"Okay. Guess we'll just have to see."


	4. Missing

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­**Many thanks to **TeddyBear 8P **who was so very supportive these last few months!**

The next morning, Remus _heard_ before he saw. He heard _nothing_. No snoring, no bathwater running, no bouncing bedsprings. In short, Remus heard the absence of James Potter. "Uh oh."

Sirius rolled over in his nearby bed. "Mmmpf?"

"Did James come back last night?" Remus sat up and looked over at the vacant bed.

"_Mmmpf_."

"_Pads_. Did. James. Come. Back?"

Sirius hid head under the pillow. "Dunno!" A minute later there was a firm hand on his shoulder.

"If James did not come back, then James is missing," Remus reminded him.

That broke through the morning haze. "JAMES IS MISSING?" Sirius shot out of bed and grabbed only a cloak and his wand before tearing down the stairs.

"Sirius! Wait! It's after noon! He could be-" Remus stopped as he hit the end of the stairs, running directly into an immobile Sirius.

"Wha-" managed the other boy.

"Do you think she'll like it?" asked James, head scrunched into his shoulders like a turtle's. The common room appeared to have been replaced by a cross between a botanical garden and a cheap café. Flowers coated almost every flat surface – table, mantle, and floor. The strangest music appeared to be stemming from a cone and a spinning disc on one table while pink candles hung in the air. Worst of all, "Happy Almost Valentine's Day Lily Evans" was constantly rewriting itself in pink ribbon above the fireplace.

"I think she'll box-"

"What made you think of all this?" covered Remus.

James smiled and stretched out his neck slightly. "I did exactly what you said!"

"I… told you to cover the room in…"

"Gardenias," James supplied helpfully.

"Smells like the icky box," added Sirius.

"The icky what?"

"Nevermind," declared Remus. "What did you do and why?"

"And how do we get rid of all of it?" muttered Sirius.

"I found out what Lily likes!" he explained joyfully. "After a few punches, all the guys were really great about it!"

"You-" Recognition slowly dawned on the werewolf's face. "Kingsley. Edward. Allen."

"What?" demanded Sirius.

"Oh no. James."

"_What_?"

"Lily!" The two black haired boys turned as the redheaded girl appeared in the doorway.

"What…" Lily cleared her throat and tried again. "What did you _do_?!" Remus winced as he heard every door in the dormitory open.

James smiled again and spread his arms wide. "Happy Almost Val-"

"You complete and utter _idiot!" _she screamed.

"But… Lily… I…" James spluttered as faces began to appear around the edges of the doorways.

"Do not ever speak to me again!" With that, the redheaded girl turned and fled out the portrait hall.

"_James_," lamented Remus.


	5. Conversations

**One more! Almost done! Promise this time! *hides***

"Is it time to go fetch him yet?" Sirius stared at his friend for a moment before returning to pacing in front of the fireplace.

"No," Remus replied simply.

"But Moo-"

"James has just been through a very traumatic experience. He needs time to recover. Alone." Remus ran his finger across the page and refused to look up.

"He could recover alone here! With me!" Sirius flapped his arms about dangerously.

He sighed. "You would mock him."

"He would deserve it!"

"I couldn't agree more," said a voice from behind the sofa.

"Rightly so. You see M-" Sirius whirled around. "Lily?"

"That's Ms. Evans to you, _Mr. Black_," she replied with a glare. "I have no doubt you played a role in this… fiasco."

Sirius returned her look with an equally violent glare. "Yes. I _cleaned it up_."

"_We_ cleaned it up," Remus explained.

Lily's gaze warmed slightly as it turned to her friend. "Oh. Of course. A word, please, Remus?"

"Have all the words you like," granted Sirius as he flopped onto the couch and draped an arm around the werewolf.

The redhead's eyes narrowed again. "Without the intrusive child, please."

Remus nodded and stood. "Of course." Sirius gasped in mock hurt as his friend guided the girl to the other side of the Common Room. "So, what's wrong?"

"Other than the debacle this morning?" She shook her head sadly. "I don't know what got into his-"

"Lily," whispered Remus kindly. "He tries. He's trying. It's just he's a…"

"Lout? Lunatic? Maniac?" Her voice was becoming steadily more frantic.

"Imbecile," he decided firmly.

She nodded slightly. "Also that."

"But he's got a good heart. Give him a chance sometime," Remus pleaded silently. "Maybe after you've, you know, written to your mum or talked to Susan or something."

"I do not write to-"

"Lily," he rebuked gently.

She flushed a rather charming shade of tomato red. "Sorry."

Remus took her in an awkward one-armed hug. "It's fine. Now go." She nodded and took her leave while Remus returned to his anxious Animagus.

"What was that all about?" snapped Sirius.

"Just setting things in motion," remarked Remus. "Mischief managed." He tapped the piece of parchment in his book and slid it into his pocket.


	6. Conclusions

**Thanks for hanging on through this whole thing. Let me know how it turned out?**

Lily shook her head as she snuck down to the Common Room. It was wrong, being out after hours. She just couldn't stand to give Remus the satisfaction of knowing he was right. No self-respecting Head Girl wrote her mother after every exam and major disaster. Her cheeks flushed as she thought of the mocking she would have endured from Sirius and his band of louts.

"Stupid little gits," she muttered as she crept out of the portrait hall. It wasn't as if she had done anything to _deserve_ this torture. She was a good girl. In bed a ten, up at seven, ate three healthy meals, did all her homework on time, became Head Girl… "Hi," she whispered to Megara.

"Hoo," replied the owl, rubbing its beak against her shoulder.

"Go away," replied a voice in the dark.

The redheaded girl jumped back, nearly tripping over a pail of owl pellets. Meg glared and sank her talons a little deeper into Lily's skin.

Wincing, she quickly tied the note to her mother to the snowy owl's leg. Meg sent her one last withering glance and took flight. "It's after hours," Lily told the hidden stranger. "You should be in bed."

"Stuff it," spat the voice.

"That's no way to speak to the-" Lily stopped dead when she saw the figure curled by the window. "Potter?"

James looked up from his swollen eyes. "Lily?"

"Of course it's me, you dolt."

The boy shook his head sadly. "Am I dreaming?"

"No," Lily said carefully, edging closer. "Definitely not."

"It was worth a shot."

"Why did you think it was a dream?"

James blinked at her for a moment. "You're here. You're not hitting me. That doesn't happen much in real life."

Lily felt her cheeks heat. "Well, you… you were a right git today!"

"If you say so," he said sadly.

"I… Of course I say so! You humiliated me!" Lily was beginning to wonder if this was really a dream after all.

"But I did it all right!" James stood up, his eyes finally showing signs of life. "I did everything they said to!"

"I knew it! I knew Black was behind this?"

The black-haired boy cocked his head to the side as if she had suddenly started speaking a foreign language. "Sirius?"

"Of course! He's _always_ wanted to see me brought down a few-"

"Sirius had nothing to do with it. He's too busy pretending not to be dating Remus. This was all me. All my fault." He collapsed back onto the sill. "All you favorite-"

"What do you know about my favorites?" She asked, indignant.

"I don't." He shrugged. "So I asked Allen and Edward and Kings-"

"You _went to my ex-boyfriends?_"

James shrugged again. "They're okay guys. Not gorgeous like Sirius or smart like Remus, but okay sorts. They agreed to help."

"But…"

"Took _hours_ to learn how to charm that ribbon properly," he lamented.

That was it. Lily grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "You are an idiot," she said. James stared at her. "I do not gardenias, or Elvis, or holiday frippery _of any kind_. I like _taking walks_ and _dancing_ and _having parties with my friends_. I do not like _moping_." Lily realized she was all out of breath and had nothing left to say. So she leaned down and very softly kissed a shocked James Potter. "Happy Valentine's day, Potter." She turned and walked to the door with what little dignity she could muster.

"Lily!" She turned. "Do you come here often?"

She shook her head. "Only when Remus reminds me to write my mother. You?"

He shook his head. "Only when Remus suggests I go clear my head."

"Oh," she said smartly. "Goodnight, James."

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Would you go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?" he asked quietly.

"No," she said simply and opened the door. "…But maybe we could grab drinks at the Three Broomsticks and go over the rounds schedule for next month?"

He smiled brighter than she'd ever seen. "It's a-" He stopped. "That sounds nice."

"Good," she smiled. "Night."

"Night, Lily."


End file.
